The Storm has Arrived Right on Fricking Que.

I knew a storm was coming. I knew it. I bloody well flipping knew it. (I do try not to swear, but lost £3 to my swear jar in the last hour)

The two people I thought I could trust that then outed me? Well it seems everyone knows. At least I'm at uni now. I might only be 17, but at least I'm not in that shithole school anymore. (Worth the 10p just to describe it.)

I've had a combination ranging from people assuming I'm gay because "so and so said I was", to people asking.

One "friend" actually asked if I can help them seduce a girl! Sorry, gay. No experience or ability at seducing girls. Right?

It's amazing how many people actually believe every detail of the "gay stereotype". No, I don't wear spandex, call everyone "darling" or know everything about fashion. I do like pink though... But I am not a stereotype, please stop labelling me!

I've had some of what I got at school, but luckily university seems more accepting. At least to my face anyways.

As for flatmates.... Well, I thought everything was cool, I didn't really see them much on Tuesday (yesterday).
However, at breakfast this morning I saw some and the tension was palpable. Normally when I walked in I got: "Morning" or "Stop smiling you smarmy git." (I'm a morning person)

Today I got: "_______" Nothing. Zip, nada. Not even an acknowledgement of my existence. Not even when I said "Morning.". I'm starting to think they are less cool with me than I had previously thought.

I'm starting to wish I could crawl back into my closet, at least when people thought I was straight they just treated me normally.
I have to live with these people until May/June time when we leave halls. I can't do that if they just blank me. Can I?

On top of this, I'm still undecided and terrified of seeing this counsellor they've offered.
It's totally optional, it will make no difference to my studies and the fact I've effectively "gotten away" with missing lectures and practicals. I just really couldn't bear to leave the flat, let alone go to a practical or a lecture. The director of studies was nice. She seemed understanding. I was still crapping it though. I need my degree if I want to be a registered paramedic, and she could have taken me off the degree, or more likely just incurred some kind of penalty.
I want to get help with all this, and the stuff that I don't even publish here, but I'm just terrified of the idea of going to see a counsellor. What if they decide to just tell my parents? Then I'd be royally fucked. I feel as if people's reactions are my fault. When my friends ditched me I felt responsible. People keep telling me it's not. I feel as if it is though. I don't know why. I have so many feelings bubbling away inside I feel as if I'm going to explode sometimes.

I can see the benefits, but I just don't know if I can trust them totally. Are they allowed to tell other people what I say? Does anyone know? Does anyone even read this, or is it just a vent for the crap that builds up inside?

Argh. I don't know what to do. I hate that. It's why I read so many books for my voluntary medical stuff. So people know they can count on me. Here? Here I'm totally useless. I just don't know what to do.

Aaah! Outed!

AAAH.

I'm bricking myself now. I told a couple of people I trusted at the weekend. 1 of them cut me off, but has since said sorry and come back. The other two gave me vebal, and have now started to tell the whole frigging world.

All I've had today is people saying "Is it true?"
I even got e-mails from people at my old school. Mostly along the lines of I'm disgusting etc. etc.

Fuck. What the hell should I do?
I've just said no to anyone I don't trust. I told 1 person I do trust today after they asked. (After having been told!)

Now it seems the whole fricking world wants to know. I've had enough of the e-mails telling me that I can "get better" or just plainly saying "faggot bastard".

AAAH.